A rape is a rape regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim. Is it acceptable that in a civilised society a man can force a woman to satisfy his urge just because he has had consensual sex in the past with her?? This is the question confronting us when we debate Marital Rape. And every time this topic comes up, those who believe there cannot be ‘rape’ in a marriage bring out a passionate religious argument to support of their case.

In fact our Minister of State for Home, Haribhai Parathibhai Chaudhary, whose duty it is to uphold the Constitution that guarantees all Indians the rights to life, liberty, justice and equality used exactly the same  ‘marriage is sacred’ and ‘religious beliefs’ defence in Parliament when he said his government was not going to criminalise marital rapes.

In India, we are often told “Pati Parmeshwar Hota Hai” (The husband is God) and perhaps this teaching is being used to support some men&’s views that a wife cannot say "no" to her husband. After all, the husband is God and it is his divine right to "take” as and when he pleases, no matter what his wife’s health or how she is feeling, or even her disagreement. And the wife, well she simply must submit.

Rape is not about sex or love. It&’s about power, ego and control. And men who rape their partners have this need to dominate and maintain their authority and superiority in the relationship and they force themselves on their wives even if they are unwilling.

Most women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it. The idea that marriage means a woman does not have a sovereign right over her own body and sexuality is very much prevalent. A wife who is raped often questions her decision to refuse sexual intercourse with her husband. In fact such is the plight of women that most cannot even discuss this subject with their own parents and even if they do, in many cases societal pressure or the future of the children or financial dependence forces the woman to continue the relationship with the abusive husband.

Research indicates that marital rape often has severe consequences. Women who are beaten up by their husbands before being raped can suffer injuries to their private organs, soreness, internal bleeding and bruising. Other consequences of marital rape could include unwanted pregnancies, miscarriages, infections and sexually transmitted diseases. Wives who are raped by their husbands could also suffer severe psychological consequences like depression, living in fear, getting suicidal thoughts, nightmares, sleeping disorders, an inferiority complex and could end up becoming sexually dysfunctional.

Yet in India both the legislature and the judiciary have failed to recognise marital rape.  While there are laws against domestic violence and dowry the most shameful act in which a husband forces himself sexually on his wife, thinking that it is his right to have sex with her even without her consent, is not considered a crime.

While we have already covered the religious arguments that are used to justify this horrible crime the legal shield that allowed men to do as they pleased with their wives can be traced back to statements made by Sir Matthew Hale, Chief Justice in 17th century England. Lord Hale wrote that “the husband cannot be guilty of rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife, for by their mutual consent and contract the wife hath given up herself this kind unto her husband which she cannot retract”.

Isn’t it a matter of shame that our country that has made so much progress in various fields is incapable of bestowing rights on our women? And what use will it be if we conquer the Moon or land on Mars, or build missiles that can hit targets across continents or launch rockets or accumulate wealth if we cannot give dignity and respect to our partner.?

Those who argue against Marital Rape laws put forward these arguments:

1)  That it is almost impossible to prove marital rape. It is implied in a marriage the couple will have a sexual relationship.

Just because a crime may be difficult to prove does not justify someone committing it. Studies show that bringing in a law that recognises marital rape acts as a deterrent. Moreover having an intimate relationship out of love and consent cannot be the same as being forced against one’s will.

2) That a vengeful wife may use the law to charge an innocent husband of the offence of marital rape.

If proving actual rape in a marriage is difficult, proving a fabricated charge beyond reasonable doubt will be even more difficult.

3) Marital Rape laws will destroy marriages.

Any husband who rapes his wife has already destroyed the marriage. To allow someone to get away with rape only to protect the ‘institution’ makes no sense.

For far too long in our country have women been treated as second-class citizens. Marriage is not a licence to have legal sex even if the wife is unwilling. There is an urgent need to change mindsets and give our women the dignity they deserve. Women have a sovereign right over their bodies and this includes their right to say no. We need to respect their sexual rights and choices and anyone violating that must be punished.

As for the Government they have taken a stand that they believe marriage is considered as a "sacrament". We truly wish our PM had thought the same way about his marriage.

The writers are, respectively, a jewellery designer and an entrepreneur.